Happy Australia Day!


You know you're Australian if....
You believe that stubbies can either be worn or drunk
You think it is normal to have a Prime Minister called Kevin
You waddle when you walk due to the 53 expired petrol discount vouchers stuffed in your wallet or purse
You've made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for something illegal such as watering the garden
When you hear that an American 'roots for his team' you wonder how often and
with whom
You understand that the phrase 'a group of women wearing black thongs' refers to footwear and may be less alluring than it sounds
You pronounce Melbourne as 'Mel-bin'
You pronounce Penrith as 'Pen-riff'
You believe the 'L' in the word ' Australia ' is optional
You can translate: 'Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way to Maccas'
You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep
You call your best friend 'a total bastard' but someone you really, truly despise is just 'a bit of a bastard'
You think 'Woolloomooloo' is a perfectly reasonable name for a place
You believe is makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that's twice as big as its $2 coin
You understand that 'Wagga Wagga' can be abbreviated to 'Wagga' but 'Woy Woy' can't be called 'Woy'
You feel obliged to spread salty black stuff that looks like congealed motor oil on bread… and actually grow to like it. You’ve also squeezed Vegemite through Vita Wheats to make little Vegemite worms.
You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they stuff up, at which point they again become Kiwis
You know, whatever the tourist books say, that no one says 'cobber'
You know that certain words must, by law, be shouted out during any rendition of the Angels' song 'Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again'
You believe, as an article of faith, that the confectionary known as the Wagon
Wheel has become smaller with every passing year
You still don't get why the 'Labor' in 'Australian Labor Party' is not spelt with a 'U
You wear ugh boots outside the house
You believe that the more you shorten someone's name the more you like them
Whatever your linguistic skills, you find yourself able to order takeaway fluently in every Asian language
You understand that 'excuse me' can sound rude, while 'scuse me' is always polite
You know what it's like to swallow a fly, on occasions via your nose
You understand that 'you' has a plural and that it's 'youse'
You know it's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle
You biggest family argument over the summer concerned the rules of beach cricket
You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what they call 'Anzac cookies'
You still think of Kylie as 'that girl off Neighbours'
When returning home from overseas, you expect to be brutally strip-searched by Customs - just in case you're trying to sneak in fruit
You believe the phrase 'smart casual' refers to a pair of black tracky-daks, suitably laundered
You understand that all train timetables are works of fiction
When working at a bar, you understand male customers will feel the need to offer an excuse whenever they order low-alcohol beer
You get choked up with emotion by the first verse of the national anthem and
then have trouble remembering the second
You find yourself ignorant of nearly all the facts deemed essential in the government's new test for migrants.

You know that Americans think we’re all Steve Irwin clones. And crikey, they couldn’t be more wrong.

You have the ability to compress several words into one - i.e. “g’day” and “d’reckn?” This allows more space for profanities.

You’ve ever used the words - tops, ripper, sick, mad, rad, sweet - to mean good. And then you place “bloody” in front of it when you REALLY mean it.

You know that the barbeque is a political arena; the person holding the tongs is always the boss and usually a man. And the women make the salad.

You’ve sucked your tea/coffee/Milo through a Tim Tam and you call it a Tim Tam Bomb or a Tim Tam Slam.

You see people walking bare-foot on the sidewalk and don’t scorn…. because you’re doing it too.

You have a story that somehow involves an excessive consumption of booze… but you can’t remember.

You know that the value of a public holiday is measured in terms of alcohol. God bless the queen and her 4-day birthday.

You know that there is a universal place called “woop woop” located in the middle of nowhere… no matter where you actually are.
You've had an argument with your mate over whether Ford or Holden makes the better car!
You will immediately forward this list to other Australians, here and overseas, realising that only they will understand!!
And a video, this is my home town Geelong and I'm proud of it!


2 comments

Anonymous said...

Hi Raquel, Really enjoyed your Aust Day post. Had a good laugh. hope you are as well as we are lots of love Aunty Rhonda.ps good luck going back to school. i can't wait till monday 9am. I'llbe free again.

Mel Nunn said...

Hi Girly! How are you??

Haven't chatted to you in a long while, what are you up to?

Hey guess what? I am studying my GDE and I will be a qualified science/biology teacher this year. Yay!

Hope things are good... I never knew you could submit to Celine's mag- congrats on your acceptance :o)

Mel xx